Well, I must confess that things that scared me most at first, have been then the most successful in my life.
It's very funny how fear precedes success: I suppose that at 40 this should be kind of a sweet awareness which could easily blow doubts away. But the severe eyes of my mind are always wide-open: sometimes awareness fades and eventually I have lack of self confidence.
What a mess and what a waste of time, I know.
I want to talk now about something that to me is extremely important and, once again, it is something that changed my life deeply since first step. It is something that over time reached same importance
of sleeping, drinking, nourishing and having sex (stuff each human being cannot live without, you know).
of sleeping, drinking, nourishing and having sex (stuff each human being cannot live without, you know).
Folks, I'm glad to introduce you: RUNNING.
Oh my God, I L-O-V-E I-T!!!
It all started a few days later my return in Italy (God damn that day for ever and ever). As soon as the plane hit the ground I understood I did the biggest shit in life so I had to find a way to get out of that unbearable feeling of "Fuck I did this to myself with my own hands!".
Actually I always wanted to run but because of a couple of issues I never did it before: first culprit was "Cooper test" at school, aged eleven. I did very bad: I thought I was going to die, running in circle in that sports hall. Then buried there with hundreds of student exercising over my ignored grave digged under pale grey linoleum floor. So sad.
And second, I smoke cigarettes: I do not smoke that much but still, so I thought my lungs would fail in breathing.
I was wrong once again.
While running I went through efforts like everybody, but I never had short breath. First.
Second. Just over years I understood that maybe my results in Cooper shit test were not that good because I am bradycardiac. It means I give my best when everybody else usually die: on a very long term and on very long distances.
"Bradycardiac" means that my heart beats rate is quite low: I have the feeling that when I fall asleep my heart doesn't beat at all. It's like sleeping with a corpse that anyway is able to wake up every morning. Nice, uh?
So, in October 2009, I started running and I fell in love with it at the very first step.
I started with a 20 minutes training, getting to one hour (11 kilometres) in less than one year: this toke place each damn day. At the beginning I kept on sweating 20 minutes after the training ended. Later on my heart beat went back to normal rate in one minute or less.
I want you to know why running is so important to me: first of all because to me it means freedom.
I can run anywhere, anytime, alone or with someone else (but I prefer alone of course). I don't have to wait for gym to open or for a treadmill to be free: I just have to put my running shoes on and get out. Night, day, sunrise, sunset, noon: it doesn't really matter at all. When running daemon calls, I answer.
Second, all of us spend the most of days locked in somewhere: cars, trains, offices, shops, firms, houses. It's like being packed in boxes with different shapes and colours. We forgot that we are animals that need to graze open air.
Third, we live our days and our lives just on calendar, constantly waiting for something to come: holidays, Christmas, weekend. Hey! There's a world out there that wants to be fully lived by us day by day! There are reddish leaves gently hitting the ground like graceful butterflies during fall: they paint tar as summer sun vibrant stains. There are tiny little drops like needles, stinging the face skin when wintry air is that frozen to cut our flesh as a sharpen knife. There are clear nights to be breathed when streets blacktop turns into a black ocean to slide on. There are beautiful and mesmerizing lights to run among over Christmas period. There are foggy evening where to play hide and seek with your sinners and your sins. There are springtime floral scents to be deeply smelled and sweated. There are waves of heat that terribly increase heart rate and happy youngster hanging around on summer holidays discovering life, friendship and love. Can you bear to miss all of this?
Fourth, you become part of other humans lives: over last years in the neighbourood I became "that one who runs" (I'll write this label in my necrology when I'll die, just under my name, so I am sure no one will miss the happening). Everybody knows you and the other way round: this is just amazing.
Third, we live our days and our lives just on calendar, constantly waiting for something to come: holidays, Christmas, weekend. Hey! There's a world out there that wants to be fully lived by us day by day! There are reddish leaves gently hitting the ground like graceful butterflies during fall: they paint tar as summer sun vibrant stains. There are tiny little drops like needles, stinging the face skin when wintry air is that frozen to cut our flesh as a sharpen knife. There are clear nights to be breathed when streets blacktop turns into a black ocean to slide on. There are beautiful and mesmerizing lights to run among over Christmas period. There are foggy evening where to play hide and seek with your sinners and your sins. There are springtime floral scents to be deeply smelled and sweated. There are waves of heat that terribly increase heart rate and happy youngster hanging around on summer holidays discovering life, friendship and love. Can you bear to miss all of this?
Fourth, you become part of other humans lives: over last years in the neighbourood I became "that one who runs" (I'll write this label in my necrology when I'll die, just under my name, so I am sure no one will miss the happening). Everybody knows you and the other way round: this is just amazing.
A little bit less amazing is when sometimes someone tries to stop you for a talk: in that very moment, because of high level of adrenaline, you would kill that person shouting out loud: "What's wrong with you, daring to stop a runner?"
But you don't. You just smile and say politely: "I'm so sorry I cannot stop right now. Maybe next time? Wish you an amazing day. Bye." We'll talk about bipolarity over next chapters.
Fifth, you sweat and breathe like a serial killer: trainings end up with you stinking like a shit. I love it, it goes without saying.
Running benefits are countless. But I'd never suggest someone to run to lose weight: running is too tough. It takes too much commitment and if you don't truly love it, you give up quickly.
Last but not least, there are other more subtle things that occur while running. When you run, time squeezes: I'm not the only one saying it. Physics does: it is not something you can count on a watch but you can feel it. And if you are lucky enough and well trained you can experience kind of a trance: once again, it is nothing arcane. It's like a meditation on the move: the rithm of your steps and of your breath can lead you to a level of unrivaled peace (unless you are stopped by someone's stupid talks). Sometimes you feel like being crossed by parallel universes that becomes images and visions: it is known that high levels of oxygenation help creative thinking process. The body constantly changes and starts talking to you quite explicitly: if you had not enough food (or too much) or a proper rest over the night before, it will be hard for you to perform well. If you are not balanced you cannot do a good performance.
Running changes endlessly: it is quite unusual to do a row of equal trainings. Sometimes you are very tired and you think you are going to do crap but misteriously it doesn't happen. Sometimes you feel well and then you spend one hour running and praying God to take you to the end alive: because giving up is not allowed. You can take in consideration to finish your training on your knees but not to stop. It's a matter of self-esteem and stubborn attitude.
Plus, at the end of very long trainings, you feel a little bit high because of endorphins: it's just great. Naturally high: fantastic.
What I love most is that all of this running speech can be applied to life: we need to move, we need to be outdoors, we need to be part of other humans's life, we need time for ourselves, we need to listen and to use our bodies, we need balance. I suppose this is the biggest message that run had for me.
Since eight years, running has been a blessing to me: it helped me in so many ways I can barely count. Running had another hidden message, like numbers and my teacher: message was "You can do it babe. Don't be scared. And never stop your walk through life."
Running helped me even shutting up that nasty voice that for ages, repeated to me that I was not skinny enough, that I was disgusting and that I had to be strong and stop eating. That same voice which allowed me to eat ice cream and ordered me to throw it up still frozen a bunch of minutes later. Running taught me that food is a sacred energy.
That severe voice is still there sometimes, but it's just a low murmur: I'm used to it. We almost became friends. But we don't make love.
But this is another story and it will be told later on.
Hugs, kisses and sleep tight.
XXX
MAdd ❤
But you don't. You just smile and say politely: "I'm so sorry I cannot stop right now. Maybe next time? Wish you an amazing day. Bye." We'll talk about bipolarity over next chapters.
Fifth, you sweat and breathe like a serial killer: trainings end up with you stinking like a shit. I love it, it goes without saying.
Running benefits are countless. But I'd never suggest someone to run to lose weight: running is too tough. It takes too much commitment and if you don't truly love it, you give up quickly.
Last but not least, there are other more subtle things that occur while running. When you run, time squeezes: I'm not the only one saying it. Physics does: it is not something you can count on a watch but you can feel it. And if you are lucky enough and well trained you can experience kind of a trance: once again, it is nothing arcane. It's like a meditation on the move: the rithm of your steps and of your breath can lead you to a level of unrivaled peace (unless you are stopped by someone's stupid talks). Sometimes you feel like being crossed by parallel universes that becomes images and visions: it is known that high levels of oxygenation help creative thinking process. The body constantly changes and starts talking to you quite explicitly: if you had not enough food (or too much) or a proper rest over the night before, it will be hard for you to perform well. If you are not balanced you cannot do a good performance.
Running changes endlessly: it is quite unusual to do a row of equal trainings. Sometimes you are very tired and you think you are going to do crap but misteriously it doesn't happen. Sometimes you feel well and then you spend one hour running and praying God to take you to the end alive: because giving up is not allowed. You can take in consideration to finish your training on your knees but not to stop. It's a matter of self-esteem and stubborn attitude.
Plus, at the end of very long trainings, you feel a little bit high because of endorphins: it's just great. Naturally high: fantastic.
What I love most is that all of this running speech can be applied to life: we need to move, we need to be outdoors, we need to be part of other humans's life, we need time for ourselves, we need to listen and to use our bodies, we need balance. I suppose this is the biggest message that run had for me.
Since eight years, running has been a blessing to me: it helped me in so many ways I can barely count. Running had another hidden message, like numbers and my teacher: message was "You can do it babe. Don't be scared. And never stop your walk through life."
Running helped me even shutting up that nasty voice that for ages, repeated to me that I was not skinny enough, that I was disgusting and that I had to be strong and stop eating. That same voice which allowed me to eat ice cream and ordered me to throw it up still frozen a bunch of minutes later. Running taught me that food is a sacred energy.
That severe voice is still there sometimes, but it's just a low murmur: I'm used to it. We almost became friends. But we don't make love.
But this is another story and it will be told later on.
Hugs, kisses and sleep tight.
XXX
MAdd ❤
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