Exactly eight years ago, I did the biggest mistake in my life: I put my bum on a plane, leaving London for good.
October, the 17th, 2009.
Yeah. I'm still complaining about that stupid and meaningless decision. I have spent each damn day of these eight years driving myself crazy about that, and wondering about the reason why of that wrong choice. Well, answer is now quite simple: I did not feel well with myself while I was living there. Only later I understood how I do not feel well with myself anywhere.
I have loved London, and I still do, more than myself. But over that period of my life I was missing family and friends. And my job, which was not the best ever neither the worst, did not satisfy my big, maybe too big actually, expectations. So, the fault is right there: expectations I have to myself.
I do not like labels and I do not stick them on humans: I never go for "Hey, this is my mum!". I always say: "This is Mariapia." And just then: "She is my mum."
But if I should put a label on me, I'd go for "wi(l)dely creative".
I am an art director, graphic designer, photographer, illustrator and story teller: and, trust me, this is a bless and a mess. It's a bless because I have tools beyond average to express what and how I feel. And it's a mess, because it is hard for me to be stuck me in a fixed role like a full time job from nine to five, five days a week: in a short period time I feel like a bird in a cage.
I am challenges addicted: and it seems that life knows it very, very well.
I have always felt wrong about that feeling of coercion: I thought there was something wrong in me. Well, there wasn't anything wrong: lately I have learnt that I'm just a quick-to-learn artist that gets bored very rapidly. Plus, I cannot think about myself stuck forever into the same work environment using just one tool all life long: I need to enlarge my knowledges day by day improving my professionalism and developing they way I look at the world that surrouds me. I nourish myself with that world. I'll stop doing this only when I'll be buried (or maybe not).
All this is tough to me first but that's the way it is: I learnt to accept it.
I am happy to start this brand new blog on the very date I would like to cancel from calendar. It is like to get back something I loved and I left too soon in a sense. Something that has been there for eight years and that was waiting for me to come back.
The only consolation about that big mistake was that it occurred and in a sense I felt safe for future. What I mean is that I thought: "Okay, fine. I have already done the biggest shitty mistake I could do in life, taking the worst decision ever. So, from now on, each mistake I will do will be smaller compared to it!"
Well.
I was wrong again. ❤
I have loved London, and I still do, more than myself. But over that period of my life I was missing family and friends. And my job, which was not the best ever neither the worst, did not satisfy my big, maybe too big actually, expectations. So, the fault is right there: expectations I have to myself.
I do not like labels and I do not stick them on humans: I never go for "Hey, this is my mum!". I always say: "This is Mariapia." And just then: "She is my mum."
But if I should put a label on me, I'd go for "wi(l)dely creative".
I am an art director, graphic designer, photographer, illustrator and story teller: and, trust me, this is a bless and a mess. It's a bless because I have tools beyond average to express what and how I feel. And it's a mess, because it is hard for me to be stuck me in a fixed role like a full time job from nine to five, five days a week: in a short period time I feel like a bird in a cage.
I am challenges addicted: and it seems that life knows it very, very well.
I have always felt wrong about that feeling of coercion: I thought there was something wrong in me. Well, there wasn't anything wrong: lately I have learnt that I'm just a quick-to-learn artist that gets bored very rapidly. Plus, I cannot think about myself stuck forever into the same work environment using just one tool all life long: I need to enlarge my knowledges day by day improving my professionalism and developing they way I look at the world that surrouds me. I nourish myself with that world. I'll stop doing this only when I'll be buried (or maybe not).
All this is tough to me first but that's the way it is: I learnt to accept it.
I am happy to start this brand new blog on the very date I would like to cancel from calendar. It is like to get back something I loved and I left too soon in a sense. Something that has been there for eight years and that was waiting for me to come back.
The only consolation about that big mistake was that it occurred and in a sense I felt safe for future. What I mean is that I thought: "Okay, fine. I have already done the biggest shitty mistake I could do in life, taking the worst decision ever. So, from now on, each mistake I will do will be smaller compared to it!"
Well.
I was wrong again. ❤
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